So today I opened my bible and somehow stumbled across the book of Job. I've never read the whole book of Job but I know that it's all about suffering. For some reason, it really spoke to me, just the little bit that I read and the coordinating footnotes and comments. I can't even begin to claim that I am "struggling" in any comparison to what Job went through or to what so many other people around me are going through right now as I speak. But, we all have our own struggles, big or small, they can seem HUGE to us when we're going through them.

It seems like everywhere I turn lately there is so much pain and suffering and heartache in this world. I don't know if it's because I'm older and didn't really pay attention to these kinds of things as a "kid". Or is it because I'm a mom now? Is it because I'm pregnant and hormonal? Whatever the reason, I am just so aware of the pain that this world has to offer. From friends who are grieving the loss of a baby that they never got to meet, to friends who only got to hold their sweet baby for a couple days before he left this earth, to a young family whose daddy is dying of cancer and a little toddler girl and baby boy who will never probably remember their daddy, to people who've been laid off and just can't find work no matter how hard they try and cry out to God. It's so easy in these situations to ask why? Why God? Why would you do this? Why?

Here's a couple thoughts that I got from Job on that question and on trusting God......We MUST not forget that this earth, with all it's pain and suffering is not our final destination (thank you Jesus).....if everything you have, I mean EVERYTHING (even my precious boys and hubby) were stripped away, would I be ok? would I know, in my heart that God is all I really ever had to begin with? God gives us Himself but he DOES NOT give us all the details of the plan He has for us.

Trusting God is so, so hard for me. I'm a control freak, always have been, think I'll always struggle with it but God wants us to give up the control that we hold so tight to. I mean, really? Why? Nothing is really "mine" anyway; not Scott, not my babies, not this house, not my family, nothing. So hard for me. If it was all taken from me tomorrow, would I survive the loss and the pain? Where does my foundation lie?

One of my good friends who is going through her own suffering right now posted a song on her blog that SO speaks to me right now. I could listen to it 500x a day and still bawl my eyes out every.single.time. It's a Hillsong one (they are SO amazing). There is a part in the song that says:

I will bring praise, I will bring praise

no weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice, I will declare

God is my victory and He is here.

And my other favorite part:

All of my life, in every season

you are still God, I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship.

Every season. Not just the joy-filled ones! hmmm, that's a hard one.