So hard not to ask "WHY"?

Some of you already know that I have an old friend from high school who is dealing with a horrible situation right now. She just got married about a year ago and has been pregnant for the last few months. She's been talking all about painting the baby's room, preparing for a little boy to join them, and making last minute shopping trips for all the necessary baby items that they'll need when they bring baby Logan home with them. Her due date was sometime end of October. They live in Cedar Rapids. Monday night my dad called and said that he had gotten a call from my friend's mom (my parents are living in Cedar Rapids right now) and that Angie had gone into labor a couple weeks early. She was at work, thought her water had broken and quickly realized she was actually bleeding heavily. They rushed her to an emergency C-section and delivered baby Logan realizing that the blood wasn't actually Angie's but Logan's. He had a blood vessel on his head that had burst and there was also a second sac that had been there all along (that the Dr.'s didn't know about) that was bleeding. In the trauma of the first few minutes of life, Logan was unconscious for about 6 minutes........those 6 minutes have made all the difference..........

Long story short.....Logan is not doing well. At one point yesterday, Angie's mom Linda emailed me and said that things were looking good, that Logan was going to recover, that he had a long road ahead of him but that the brain scans, initial tests, etc. had come back positive and they were expecting a full recovery. But, last night my mom called and said that Gramma Linda had called back asking for my parents to come to the NNICU and be with them. Logan had taken a turn for the worse, his brain was showing signs of "dying" and it was looking like he was not going to make it through this after all.

I talked to my mom last night as they were leaving the hospital and she said it's just the saddest thing to see the family right now. Angie and her husband Donny are devastated, Grandma and Grandpa and aunts and uncles are just devastated. Angie's sister in law is a hospice nurse and she went into the NICU to see Logan. My mom said that when she came out she said "he doesn't look like a NICU baby, he's so big, he looks so healthy, like he's just gonna get all better and go home soon". She also said that when she touched baby Logan he didn't respond at all but then Angie (mommy) touched his cheek and his vitals went crazy. She said "he knows his mommy's touch". I am just so sad for them. Why? Why? Why?

Logan is on a ventilator, not breathing on his own. Angie and Donny have some really hard decisions to make. They've been told by the doctors that they can take the ventilator out now and most likely he'll catch pneumonia in a couple days and die. Or, they can wait a few more days to take the ventilator out, Logan will most likely learn to breathe on his own but he'll never walk, never communicate with them in any way, never feed himself, and on and on. I just can't even imagine being in that situation and trying to hold on to some kind of Hope. I am just praying that God reveals Himself to them during this time. This is the kind of thing that can make or break a person for the rest of their lives. It's so hard to understand why things like this have to happen. This earth is definitely not our home and I am so aware of that in times like these.

This morning I was crying and Drew said "mommy, why are you crying" and I couldn't talk so Scott says "well, bud, mommy and daddy have a friend and her baby is really sick so he might get to go be with Jesus, and it's just kind of sad for those of us here". Drew starts to instantly cry and says "but daddy, just cuz you're sick doesn't mean you die and go to Jesus, right?" we kind of chuckled at the thought of Drew thinking every time he gets a cold that he's gonna die and go be with Jesus. I love the innocence of children. It just makes me so sad that my friend Angie's first experience of being a Mommy has to be this one. She'll never get to answer tough questions from Logan when he's 4 and Mr. Inquisitive......she'll never get to hold that little bundle close to her and breastfeed him, or hear him say mommy for the first time, or watch him throw a ball.

So sad, I just can't comprehend this right now........I can't stop thinking about how they'll most likely return home to a fully furnished baby boy room, stocked full of diapers and wipes, burp clothes and toys that will never be used. Don't get me wrong, I firmly believe that if God wants to perform a Miracle, that He will, in his own timing, regardless of what all the doctors have said. But, I'm also being realistic......that might not be what God does, the reality of that is hard to swallow.

Please pray with me that Hope rises out of this disaster...............